Jose Reyes - Try to smile more. Also, lead the league in stolen bases. Too much to ask?
Melky Cabrera - Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad.
Adam Lind - Get traded. Or deported. Either will do.
Brett Lawrie - Find a healthier alternative to red bull. Try coffee. Or cocaine.
Colby Rasmus - Keep the customers at Bob Bannerman's happy. That's Bob Bannerman Chrysler-Dodge-Jeep on Don Mills road. Just north of Eglinton. South of Lawrence.
Jose Bautista - Hit more homers than Edwin.
Edwin Encarnacion - Hit more homers than Jose.
A little friendly competition never hurt anyone. There's no doubt these two will lead the team in homers, but which one will hit more? Edwin is basically JoeyBats2.0. He broke out last season at the same age (technically younger, though) as Jose was when he broke out back in 2010. It's hard to bet against Mr. Bats, but if Edwin does hit more homers it can only mean good things for the Blue Jays. I hope Edwin hits more. But I hope Jose hits 50.
J.P. Arencibia - Stay off twitter. J.P. would probably be one of my favourite players if he never started a twitter account. Arencibia needs to stop contacting his tweeps and start contacting the baseball.
Maicer Izturis - Earn the second base job. Do so by getting on base a lot, stealing a bunch of bags, and playing flawless defense.
Emilio Bonifacio - Take Colby Rasmus' job. Do so by getting on base a lot, stealing a bunch of bags, and playing flawless defense.
Rajai Davis - Take Adam Lind's job. Do so by showing up.
Josh Thole - Catch Dickey's butterfly-ball. Also, put the pressure on J.P. to start producing more offensively by getting your ass on base as much as possible. If you can actually catch the knuckles and take your walks, you've done your job.
R.A. Dickey - Win another Cy Young. Easy enough, right?
Josh Johnson - Enter free agency as the best starting pitcher on the market. Another easy one, eh? Contract year = lights-out pitching. It's scientifically proven.
Mark Buehrle - Finish a game in under 2 hours. Buerhle's only complete game last season took 2 hours and 18 minutes. I think he's got an under 2 hour game in him. I just hope I'm not at the Dome when it happens. That aint enough bang for the buck. (By bang I mean baseball, and by buck I mean the small fortune Rogers charges for beer.)
Brandon Morrow - Stay the course. Ever since arriving in Toronto, Morrow has impressed me more and more. The Jays just acquired 3 starters to lead the rotation. There's no need to raise the expectation level for Morrow. He doesn't need to be our Ace. He just needs to keep doing what he's doing and this rotation will be devastating. (For the record: I think he'll be the best pitcher on the team.)
Ricky Romero - Throw strikes. That's it. Just throw strikes. I don't care if Ricky gets lit up. I just want him to throw the ball over the plate. If he does get lit up, then so be it. Bring on the Happster...
J.A. Happ - Embrace your role as swing-man, and wait patiently for your chance to start. Now that Charlie V. is gone, we need another bullpen arm that can make the odd start and work multiple innings. Happ is the guy. I don't think we should send him to Buffalo. Especially after the season Ricky Romero had last year. If it were up to me, Happ would be pencilled in to start fifth, and Romero would have to earn his way back into the rotation during spring training. But now that Ricky is at the end of the rotation instead of the beginning, he might just be able to clear his head and get at least somewhat back to his old self. He probably will be facing weaker pitchers on the other side, so that should help too. But be ready, Happ... you never know...
Casey Janssen - Keep your job.
Sergio Santos - Take Janssen's job.
Casey earned the closer's job when Santos got injured last year. He ended up being (arguably) the Blue Jays' most valuable pitcher. The job is his to keep, if he keeps pitching like he did. But if Casey falters in the slightest, and Sergio starts pitching like we thought he would last year (don't forget, he kinda sucked before getting hurt), then there could be role-reversals in the pen.
Darren Oldiver - Spend less time with family. Retire with a ring, playa.
Stephen Chadwick Jenkins from Chattanooga, Tennessee - Start going by your real name. Your real middle name, that is. I can understand not wanting to use your first name, because it's spelled wrong. But why Chad instead of Chadwick? Chadwick is dope! And hilarious.
Eric Thames (Steve Delabar) - Pitch better than Snider.
Travis Snider (Brad Lincoln) - Pitch better than Thames.
The Snider vs. Thames debate lives on through the performance of Delabar and Lincoln. My money has always been on Thames.
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